My 5-year old son Gideon is horribly restless when he sleeps, so of course the nurse and researcher in me has completely assessed and diagnosed his condition- his tonsils are enlarged causing irregular breathing patterns at night, hyper-extension of his neck when he sleeps, and constant karate chopping of his parents necks as he sneaks into their bed and thrashes around at night sometimes to maintain his airway. Again, what a great assessment and knowledge the medical filed has provided me...but surgery does have a cost and is always a risk in a young child even with something as simple as removing tonsils. Well, I continue to learn that sometimes our dependence on knowledge actually weakens our faith.
Monday night Gideon fell asleep in our bed after helping us paint his bedroom. I asked Ian to move him as it was hot, he was sweaty and I was tired. I had a fleeting thought of, "he is supposed to stay in our bed." Ian lovingly moved his limp little body into his own bed. About and hour later we heard the sound...
THUNK!
The sound of my precious little guy's head hitting the tile, head first as he fell out of bed in his restless state. He immediately began to cry. Ian carried him into our bed where of course I remained calm, began to assess, used Ian's phone as a flashlight to check his pupil size and reaction...I became a bit concerned when he would not be verbal with me. Then as any experienced nurse would do, I began to further assess him for nausea, neck pain and dizziness as I thought of how the internal bleeding and swelling could have started- of course the extreme thoughts were running through my head but not verbalized to my panicked husband. I quickly thought about the cost of the ER visit and strapping him down for a scan of his brain when I could not even get him to keep an ice pack on his head! And then,
THUNK!
It hit my spirit like a sword cutting through marrow...the Lord impressed on me, "Carla let him rest against your chest, allow yourself to weep softly over him, begin to pray healing in Jesus' name, and allow him to abide as I have asked you to abide in Me. Pray healing over him, praise Me and in the morning joy will come as you see him healed." Ian will tell you when our boys get hurt, I never cry. At the same time, without me saying a word to Ian...Ian turned on a worship song and placed it on repeat. He then got down on his knees by the bed in a posture of prayer and worship and we began praising the Lord and praying over Gideon...our Mighty Warrior. Our Lord's Mighty Warrior...
I allowed myself to weep and thought of us in Africa in this situation. What would we do? in the medical field you run to the next test, medical, or professional opinion. I assessed him, I knew he was okay...the Lord again impressed on me, "If you trust Me, abide in Me as you weep over your son, My son."
As we layed hands on Gideon and prayed over the goose egg that had quickly grown as far out as his little nose and was already the color of a horrid bruise, Love showed up.....and the goose egg began to shrink under our hands, the color began to return to normal, Gideon began to rest and stop crying. He relaxed more and more against my chest- Ian and I did not speak a word to each other but continued to worship, praise, and pray. Yes, I will repeat, the goose egg was shrinking under our praying hands. I wept softly until Gideon fell asleep, completely relaxed and safe in my arms.
I woke the next morning to Gideon lying by my side awake, talking, full of joy and without a goose egg! The only evidence of his head meeting the tile was a very faint, pale, and scant streak of what used to be a bruise. I woke to joy and healing!
"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." John 15:4 (ESV)
I sit here typing out my heart to you. There have been times lately at my current job where I am completely misunderstood and I grieve and think, "If only I could take my heart out and place it in you so you can understand." But then I am reminded of my identity and Who I belong to...Who I need to abide in. I sit here worshipping to the song below...
The more I seek You,
The more I find You.
The more I find You,
The more I love You.
I want to sit at your feet,
Drink from the cup in Your hand.
Lay back against You and breath,
Feel Your heartbeat.
This love is so deep,
It's more than I can stand.
I melt in Your peace,
It's overwhelming.
I am overwhelmed, I am deeply in love and consumed by His provision, healing, and truth. I believe in His sacrifice and love for all of us, those that believe and those that do not. I believe if His people in Africa seek Him, they will be healed and overwhelmed by His love amongst their suffering.
I choose to seek Him, I choose to love, I choose healing, I choose to trust, I choose Jesus, I choose to abide...
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