Over the years as my faith and relationship with Jesus has grown, I have noticed a change in myself. My worldview has grown, the color of the world has changed, and I would like to say I care and love deeper…I see beyond myself some days more than others. I also think a lot of the change has come because when I lost both my parents to cancer within two years of each other, it took me on a journey I had dreamed of but never imagined how it would really look and how painful it would be to live out in obedience. I have mentioned before some of my journey before we moved to Mozambique and one of the biggest lessons I learned was about forgiveness. I had to reflect on a painful childhood, sexual abuse and forgive the one that sinned against me and that bled out shame upon me. The part I have not mentioned publicly is that the one in prison is not actually the one that abused me…he is the stepfather of the one that abused me. My physical offender was never brought to physical justice in court for what he did to me, and possibly to others. The man in prison did abuse children, especially young boys, but in other cases he manipulated, threatened and preyed upon others to carry out his evil intentions, including his own stepson. Of course, I also had to forgive the young man that chose to place his hands on me and violate me; however, God was also showing me the depths of sin and how it is generational. The abuse done against me was not my fault; however, the circumstances surrounding my life put me in a situation where I was vulnerable to abuse. My parents divorced, there was adultery, lack of extended family support and my single mother had to go into the workforce; therefore, she had to leave me with a babysitter. I have worked through much over the years and am thankful to say I was very close with both of my parents before they died. I cared for them both as they took their last breath, I forgave them for what they could control and what they could not control, I asked for forgiveness for my acting out of grief and sometimes rebellion, I forgave them for being silent when I came forward with my abuse, and I chose to love them deeper still.
Over the years, I have read scripture, prayed and sought the Lord using this lesson of forgiveness as I live out what he has called me to do in the war torn country of Mozambique.
There was a few key words God spoke to me 5 years ago when we moved to Central Moz in Manica…He said, “self preservation”, “blood on their hands”, and “the blood from the land is crying out”.
Over the past 5 years, I have come to discover he was not just speaking to me about others, but about myself. It is a lot to unpack and discuss. Some of it had to do specifically with the generations of sin witnessed and carried out by locals and missionaries in this land of Mozambique. A lot of it was connected to covenants made over the land, civil war, colonialism, and child sacrifice.
So, what does this mean for today’s situation? What does it have to do with Moz, with America? What does any of this have to do with race protest, riots, anarchy, leftist extremist, rightist extremist, sexual abuse against children during initiation ceremonies, political idolatry, corruption, etc, etc, etc?
What do we do as citizens of the Kingdom of God when the forces of darkness have claimed the land and are tormenting all that walk upon it? Today, I want to leave you with two scriptures. One of them I was rereading with my family as we are studying the life of Joseph…it literally took my breath away for a moment. I have recalled myself saying many different things over my teenage years and into my mid adult years about racism, war, and strongholds in the lands. My views and perspectives influenced by the loudest voices around me, usually men. I have prayed and weeped…I mean, look at me…I am not in denial. I am a white women in the middle of Africa trying to be a voice for the voiceless and I do not even speak the language well. I am not black let alone African. BUT, this is what God has placed in my heart since I was 4 years old. To come to Africa, to be a nurse, to be a voice for the voiceless as I knew what it was like to have no voice and when I spoke to not be listened to. And guess what? That does not end…people of all kinds do not care what I have to say, their minds are made up. So…why in the heck am I even blogging?
Because, I love. I love Him. I love them. I love my neighbor. I love you. The victory is His, Love wins!
I want to reflect further on these verses but first I just want to give space for them to be, be what they are…the Living Word of God. Alive and active even now. Speaking to our very being, our souls, our spirits, our flesh.
Listen…He is speaking.
They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come on us.”
Reuben replied, “Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn’t listen! Now we must give an accounting for his blood.” They did not realize that Joseph could understand them, since he was using an interpreter.
He turned away from them and began to weep, but then came back and spoke to them again. He had Simeon taken from them and bound before their eyes.
-Genesis 42:21-24
Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Lets go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield it crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”
-Genesis 4:8-12
Artist: Zak Muller
