This blog may not be for all to read…it deals with a very sensitive reality…death…it also deals with the even greater reality of life in Christ. These words are written out of my own sufferings of losing many to cancer: childhood friends, one of my mentors and even my precious parents. It also overflows from the many years I have cared for those ending their journey here on earth and most recently in the last 5 years, in hospice care. It is a reality I face even greater now as my family and I head into great oppression and death at many levels in Mozambique. Thank you for taking the journey with me…
Do not resuscitate (DNR), or no code, is a legal order written in the hospital or on a legal form to withhold CPR or advanced cardiac life support, in respect of the wishes of a patient in case their heart were to stop or they were to stop breathing…As a hospice nurse, one of the most challenging scenarios is when you are caring for a person that is dying but you must honor their wish to NOT be a DNR. The desire to be under hospice care to die and the desire to be resuscitated to live collide. It can be one of the most anguishing journeys for all involved, especially the person that is dying. The battle becomes beyond physical, it is a battle that engulfs one’s whole being.
I see this more and more as the years go on as people of great faith pray for healing here on earth and those of no faith fear death and push it back with every breath they have left. I myself am learning to walk out my faith in prayer and healing or as my dear friend TL would say when you pray “swing for the fence”…praying with the faith that complete physical healing will happen here on earth. I also know that there is a greater promise…the completion that needs to take place when Jesus’ returns as written in Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
There is an overwhelming fear in our country, our culture to think of “taking our last breath”. I remember delivering my first son Tobiah. It seemed as if everyone in the room was holding their breath waiting for him to take his first breath. Before I go further, let’s look at the word breath.
Breath…an inhalation or exhalation of air from the lungs.
Breath…the power of breathing; life; life force.
Breath…time to breathe; respite; pause.
Genesis 2:7 “And the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life.”
The fight to breathe can be physically painful, better known as “air hunger”. You feel the need to breathe but it is difficult so you may have an ongoing distressing feeling of not being able to get enough air. There may be a sense of pain or breathlessness. This becomes not only a physical struggle but a spiritual struggle, something I have experienced over and over with those dying and have prayed and studied on how to prevent and bring more comfort. I have now learned it has become a time where there needs to be a surrendering from the one dying and eventually a release of control. I have learned how to stay present during suffering through Holy Spirit.
To die, to take your last breath can be scary for many reasons…will I be in pain, will I suffer, what will happen to my spouse, what will happen to my children? I have to say I have struggled with these questions on many days… a day when I am in a home caring for a 30 year old with two small children. Their mama has breast cancer that has spread now to her brain, spine and other vital organs. I watch as her husband attempts to live life around her dying body…he is trying to figure out what to make for dinner as their young children sit by their mama who is now unable to respond to their hugs, kisses and banter back and forth as they do their homework. As the air hunger takes over her body you can see the lack of breath in her loved ones as the grief and pain is just too much…they hold their breath in anguish waiting for her last breath. The roles have reversed… a mama that held her breath as she awaited the first breath of her new born child. Their dependence on each other is what makes the house a home…their presence in each other’s life has become their life force, their drive to breath. Their love for each other is what has given and strengthened their lives…
Wait! Breathe! Pause…
Genesis 2:7…God formed us; He breathed into the nostrils the breath of life…
Wait! Breathe! Pause…
We now see the reality that breathing, the power of breathing, inhaling and exhaling illustrates our vulnerability…it is a physical manifestation of our complete dependence on our Maker, our Breath Giver, our Life Force. We hunger for air…we hunger and battle…we fight until He speaks in a whisper…we learn to surrender…we learn to release. Most of all, we learn to be present in others’ suffering for He is our Breath, our Life Force and the reality is when we believe in Him and the sacrifice He made as He took His last breath on Calvary there is no “last breath” and no end of life. There is eternity, there is Sozo…complete, whole healing and salvation.
